I’ve spent a lot of time this past couple of weeks, thinking about the past…

In part, those thoughts were inspired by an ole friend coming back into my life….our reunion has been very enjoyable…yet, it has also caused me to stop and think about the past…what’s happened, and how it could have been different had I made one single choice or decision, differently…

Has that thought ever occurred to you?  There truly are those moments in our lives, when one single choice, a crossroad, does make all of the difference…

I posted a photo of my first Hawaii Ironman finish on Facebook a few days ago.  That finish on Alli Drive, with my two wonderful kids on my arms, was a defining moment in my life: a dream fulfilled, and yet a true beginning to a new chapter…

I thought today I’d go back a bit further to another “beginning”….my very first Ironman distance race.  Not the first Hawaii, but the first, period!

It was October, 1998. The Great Floridian in Clermont (Orlando!), Florida…

The journey I was on as I transitioned from “runner” to “triathlete” at that point in my life, was nothing short of remarkable, actually. I’m sure most of you have read my story…I nearly drowned as a child, and never went near the water until I was 36. Deathly afraid of it, and with no idea what swimming was all about or how to even attempt to start, I made a commitment to my daughter Erin, that I was “going to do the Ironman,” after watching Mark Allen do his thing in the TV broadcast of the Ironman in November of 1995.

My first triathlon ever, was in May of 1996. Words can’t fully express how difficult it was for me to EVEN GET to that point. Every day I forced myself to the pool…dealt with all of my frustrations about why I couldn’t do what was so easy for a child, to do.  Of course I had to rationalize this feeling that there really wasn’t ANY good reason why I was doing this anyway. Many people don’t know how to swim, and lots never do the Ironman.  Amidst my frustration and striving to learn and be patient, I never stopped asking myself, “why in the hell are you using so much mental energy AND time (my grass grew pretty long in those days!) on something that just isn’t that important!!”

Looking ahead from that point…I learned that despite how hard I looked, there was no one around who could help me become what I wanted to become, a swimmer.  I would have to learn about the sport on my own, and learn how to overcome my fear and progress on my own, if it was going to happen…patience and persistence became my middle name.

Looking back, the reason I think I never gave up, was because of my kids. They somehow sensed my struggle, and offered the support that normally, a parent gives to their child through an unconditional love, and support that is what being a parent, is all about.

Erin, who was around 8 or 9, and AJ, then 5 or 6, were really proud of what I was trying to do, and they wouldn’t let me give up on myself. And, I think, in the end…if anyone is to accomplish and overcome what I did, the reasons must go beyond oneself…that much seems so obvious to me now…

Looking ahead again…1996 turned into 1997, and I began to put a few Half Ironman races onto my schedule.  My swim was ALWAYS a struggle, but I didn’t give up and, thank God, I could still run.  I still marvel at going sub 5 hours at Eagleman Half Iron, even WITH A 45-50min swim! Yikes.

1997 went and 98 loomed, and I knew if I had any chance to get to Kona, HI, I’d have to START by seeing if I could finish the distance. Was it time to attempt my first IM distance race?  My coach at the time, thought so, and so I made plans to go to Florida in October and attempt the distance for the first time.

Fast forward to race day….my memories of that day are so varied and amazing in how much I DID NOT know about how to race that distance, as well as the overwhelming feelings of self doubt….

….would I be able to even FINISH the swim?  As much as that, nutrition was never a topic my coach and I discussed very much other than “use what is on the course,” so my “plan” for how to fuel myself really became the chocolate GU gel, that became a favorite of mine during the long training days I did leading up to the race. And after all, what was the big deal? In my early days as a runner, I never took anything in anyway…just water, so Ironman would be no different…right?

In the moments right before the start of the race, the thing I most remember was those butterflies in my stomach, and AJ crying as loudly and as passionately as I can ever remember.  He just didn’t want his Dad to go! I don’t know if he thought I was going out and never coming back, but he just cried and cried…he was so scared…

Needless to say, I finished the swim, in 1:19.  When I came out of the water, I went straight to my family…forget the changing tent and my swim-to-bike transition! All I wanted to do was CELEBRATE with my family, THE MOST amazing moment in my athletic life to that point - finishing a 2.4 mile open water swim when 2.5 short years earlier, I had a very hard time mustering the courage to even put my face in the water….

We hugged, with huge smiles on my face, for what seemed like an hour. Most importantly, AJ was so happy. There weren’t any more tears in his eyes or sorrow on his face. His Dad came back! 

Off to the changing tent I went….I stayed in there for a full 10minutes, talking to anyone that would listen, because I was just so relieved to have that part of the race behind me, and I just still couldn’t quite believe I did it…

The rest of the race was, for the MOST part, uneventful.  I was just so happy to BE THERE…AND GRATEFUL for that gift…

Well, I guess it wasn’t totally “uneventful,”…especially if you consider losing 1 of 2 gel flasks of chocolate GU in the first 10miles of the bike (the only thing I had planned to take in), and then not being able to EMPTY the other flask afterward because the GU was too thick in the flask ( I used only packets in training! :), and then me riding off the bike course at about mile 100 after I missed a turn, which resulted in riding 116miles instead of 112!

Arriving in the bike to run transition, I was keenly aware I’d taken in hardly any calories, and it was pretty hot out…and I had no idea what it would feel like to try and run after riding 116miles…

The first loop of the run was OK…I mean, I knew how to run…running was something, unlike swim and bike, that I COULD DO.  So…I just started running, tried to stay hydrated, and let the miles go by. Yes, it hurt, but I EXPECTED IT TO, and to be truthfully honest, I LOVE TO SUFFER with the kind of pain that comes from achieving something very difficult like running an Ironman marathon.  So, that kind of pain - I relished it, and savored it, and tried to wrap my arms around it….talk to it…..and then in my conversations with myself, I said, “you won’t get me…I’m not stopping…you can’t stop me….come on, come on harder, I don’t care….you are NOT going to stop me…”

Now…all of that being said, I will admit that my kids saw me in pretty terrible straights a few times during the 2nd loop, as I got back nearer the transition area where they were staying. I remember seeing AJ’s face at one point, and realizing how scared he was - he hadn’t seen his Dad look quite like that, ever before. Really suffering…nausea, bonking, and dehydrated….just generally, not good!

To bring this long LOOK BACK to a close…..you will see my finish picture attached here, which is proof that I made it after all!  11:19. Not half bad for an old man who was afraid of the water…

My strongest memories of the race, once I had crossed the line, are all of the JOY, and the tremendous feeling of fullfillment, and…OF THE MED TENT! Why?

Within 10minutes after I crossed the line, I was feeling so sick to my stomach….OMG. That’s when I realized that nausea is a symptom of dehydration! (for you 1st timers, remember that!)…

As I got plugged up to that IV machine….it was the most amazing feeling I’ve ever had. With every drop going into my veins, I felt better, and better, and better…life was coming back into my body.

I knew at that point, I was on my way. It wouldn’t be easy, and I had no idea what the future would hold for me, but I knew, something special had occurred that day, and my life….would never, ever, EVER be the same….